Oh you must have forgotten who you are!

...and more importantly whose you are.

I recently had a very candid conversation with a good friend. She was supposed to attend a major networking event specifically for women and decided not to go because she was intimidated by the women she believed would be in attendance. She shared that she follows the hosts of the event on Instagram and was discouraged for a number of reasons, but mainly because she didn’t feel like she was ready to network amongst them.

I was under the hair dryer (yes, again) and slumped down at the time as I was trying to run from the heat. So I peeked my head out, sat up straight and proceeded to challenge my dear friend on her ‘mistaken thinking’.  “Intimidated? Have you forgotten who you are and more importantly whose you are?” I didn’t even give her a chance to answer the questions because clearly she had forgotten so I proceeded to remind this amazing woman of all that she is, the goals she’s set for herself, and our commitment to accountability.

My friend is smart, confident, beautiful, and operating in her purpose but she is human and this is what can happen when we lose focus, even momentarily. We’re all guilty of this in one regard or another. We count ourselves out, compare ourselves to others, and lose sight of our goals and God’s promises.  But think about it, how does God get the glory from that? We’re basically saying “Ok God, I know you’re mighty and all but I only trust you in spaces where I’m comfortable.”

Our self-defeatist behaviors, typically prompted by a lack of focus, are often our biggest obstacles. I conducted an exercise recently with a group of women that attended my purpose coaching session where they had to list their internal and external roadblocks. They were stumped because they couldn’t identify any roadblocks that were truly external, meaning out of their control. This is because the majority of what is holding us back is within our control. We have the power to overcome the obstacles we just have to rely on God to activate it.  

We have to be willing to get out of our own way, to be stretched, to grow, and to step out of our comfort zones- sometimes the biggest blessings are waiting for us there!


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...hellos, heyyyys, hugs, and more serotonin popping goodness!

About a month ago we received the ‘Above and Beyond’ Award for our service and commitment to Calvary Women’s Services. We’ve been long standing supporters of Calvary and our semi-annual spa day at the shelter has become a staple. It was indeed an honor to receive the award and we are so grateful for the opportunity to serve. As the lead, my name is listed on the award but it is a team effort- a team of amazing sister-friends who lead this charge with me. Lunch/dinner at the shelter is extra special because we are serving and making a difference together.  I can ALWAYS count on them. I don’t have to remind them to show up because they are already there. If someone can’t make it, they communicate and ensure that their menu items are taken care of for the day. They are reliable, committed, and consistent and I am thankful. So to the amazing women I am blessed to serve with (Denise, Karla, Les, Lucy, My and baby Cam, Ny, Steph, and Sweet T), thank you! To anyone that has ever served with us or supported our Spa Day in anyway- financially, donated goods, or gifted your services, we thank you!

I spoke about this ‘serotonin popping goodness’ a few post ago but I didn’t go into grave detail so here’s my best effort at describing how my serotonin pops when I serve at Calvary. All names have been changed out of respect for the residents and staff of Calvary Women’s Services.

On our designated Sunday, we arrive at Calvary around 11:30am. Lunch doesn’t actually start until about noon but as a team, we arrive early to setup. However, the ‘serotonin popping’ starts well before I arrive at the shelter.

10:00am- While preparing my dish the morning of and watching Pastor B, just in case I don't make it to the 1:30pm service, my thoughts are along the lines of “Oh Maya is gonna love this, she always likes my lasagna!” – Serotonin pop!

11:00am- On my way to the shelter I’m thinking “I can’t wait to hear about Alanna’s first day of class.”, “I hope Ann has pictures of her new grandson.”, or “Omg! This is the week that Cynthia moves into her own place!” – Serotonin pop!!

11:30am- Arrival. We are warmly welcomed by the Calvary staff and they’re always so helpful, holding the door for us or helping us bring items inside as needed. As we walk in, some of the Calvary ladies are returning from church or happen to be at the front desk chatting and that’s when it starts...”Heyyyyy Sharnikya, I have news for you!!!!.” or “Oooh the spa day girls, when is the next spa day?” They're always as excited to see us as we are to see them! – Serotonin pop!!!

11:50am – Lunch time.  A few minutes before noon an announcement is made letting the ladies know that lunch is ready. Moments later, the women start entering the kitchen. We greet them with smiles, hellos, heyyyys, hugs, and screams, yep screams- if it’s been some time since we’ve seen someone and especially if one of the Calvary ladies has a new hairdo!

The ladies are seated and we serve them, they don’t have to lift a finger – they tell us what they’d like on their plates, what they want to drink, and we take care of it. After all of the women are served, we make plates for ourselves and have lunch with them which is my favorite part of the day.

We talk and laugh, talk more and laugh, tears may be shed, and then we talk and laugh some more. Our time with the Calvary residents extends sometimes well beyond the lunch period.  Imagine your favorite girlfriends, on a Sunday afternoon, with great food and amazing desserts…Got the image? Well, that’s us! Except instead of being united with the Calvary ladies by years of friendship, we’re united by hope.  A hope that brighter days are ahead – that our good days outweigh our bad; A hope that tomorrow brings exciting news or a breakthrough- we’re all awaiting a breakthrough in some area of our life; A hope that when we leave Calvary for the day, the women we’ve served are reminded that God still sees and He still cares.  As we leave the ladies we ask “So ladies, what would you like the theme to be for next month’s menu? They respond, typically all at once- offering a variety of suggestions like- “Mexican!”, “Soul food!”, “Chinese!” and then we’re off to prepare for the next opportunity to do it all again. – Serotonin pop!!!!

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A few of us with Calvary's Education Coordinator as we received the Above and Beyond award which is for volunteers who have gone above and beyond in their commitment and dedication to Calvary's mission. It reads "In grateful appreciation and recognition for your leadership in group volunteering at Calvary Women's Services.  Thank you for outstanding commitment and dedication to Calvary's mission."

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Baby Cam already has a heart to serve. "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Remembering 9/11

Honestly, it still feels like yesterday. I remember exactly what I was wearing that day and exactly how I felt.

I was in college at the time; Bennett College for Women (yep, I’m a Bennett Belle). Anyway, I lived off campus and my friend Jam and I had just pulled up in front of my house when we heard the news on the radio. We ran in the house, turned on the TV, and there it was, the first tower in flames. We sat there in complete awe as the second tower was hit shortly after. And then the news of the Pentagon attack broke and my heart dropped. I was completely shaken by what I was watching unfold in New York, and the Pentagon attack hit close to home.

I immediately started calling my mom; first at her office and then at home. My heart was beating fast and I was trembling so badly that I could barely dial the numbers. None of my calls went through, busy signals and an odd ringing sound for hours; I literally alternated between calling the home and office number for hours. I couldn’t think straight, I skipped dinner, and as 9pm rolled around, sleep was not an option. I was terrified and consumed with thoughts of what ifs. Trying to remain positive didn’t cut it, and my heart broke more and more with each passing moment. I needed to know that my family was okay and there was nothing I could do but pray and wait.

The news outlets made it even more difficult because as much as I wanted to stay tuned in for updates, I had trouble doing so because they kept replaying the attacks as a constant reminder of all that was going wrong, terribly wrong. My prayers became questions: “God, where is my mom?” “Did she make it home?” “Lord, can you give me a sign?” Does this sound familiar? How many times have you been in a situation where all you can do is pray and wait while everything around you continues to highlight just how bad this situation is?  I don’t think there’s much we can do to prepare for these moments. We just have to trust God and remember that “all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). Even when the outcome doesn’t seem favorable, we have to continue to trust Him.

My mom called late that evening and it was indeed the sweetest relief to hear her voice. However, there are many that never received that phone call from their mother, sister, father, brother, or friend. So as we remember 9/11, let’s honor those that lost their lives by holding our loved ones close. Hug them tighter, call more often, forgive easily, and don’t miss an opportunity to say ‘I love you.’

This post is dedicated to my dear friends Tiffany and Lonnie who lost their father- one of the first responders on 9/11.