Superwoman?

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this whole superwoman thing…are we really called to be superwoman? Is it a title we’ve taken on that wasn’t meant for us? I believe God is calling us to be the most amazing women we can be, using our gifts to serve and inspire our families and communities but a cape isn’t needed for that. Far too often, we burn ourselves out, trying to be superwoman (although I do like Alicia Keys’ song), not getting the rest we need or properly taking care of ourselves.

“I have to do it all, they need me and if I don’t do it, who will?”

It’s true; we are needed, but that’s precisely why we have to make time to rest and allow Christ to rejuvenate us. We are human and our resources are indeed limited.

I was reading about Dorcas AKA Tabitha in Acts 9:36-43.  Obviously she was used for God’s glory – her testimony is astounding – and there are many lessons to learn from her life of service. Is burnout one of them? As much as I admire her, I wonder if she was burned out. Did she not get proper rest? We know that she served the widows, made dresses, and gave of herself to help others until she fell ill but did she take care of herself? When she sensed herself getting ill, did she stop to rest? We also read that Dorcas died, Peter spoke life over her, and she began breathing again. I wonder if this was God’s way of saying, rest woman or I will rest you.

As modern day women, we’re doing it all: raising families, running several businesses, leading, teaching, and serving. But is burn out a part of God’s plan for us? No! ‘He grants rest to those He loves’ and we should take it! Taking time to rest isn’t self-seeking, it’s biblical. Check out Psalm 127:2.

When serving, leading, helping, sharing, caring for others etc., changes your heart in a negative way, you’re likely burned out or on the cusp and need to take a break. Don’t keep working until you collapse or resent those you are serving. Take some time off to recharge and allow God to fill you up.

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"The Universe" I'm sorry, Who?

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of moderating a panel at the annual Divas, MPH New Year New You Brunch. The panel featured Justine Love (Community/Public Affairs CBS Radio), Jasmine Simms (Scrub Nail Boutique), and Dr. Tilli Williams (Naturopathic Physician). Each of the panelist shared the journey to their purpose and the underlying themes were faith, embracing the journey, and understanding that your purpose will make room for you.

Dr. Tilly encouraged us all to “set our intentions”. I realize that this charge has many interpretations, for some it’s ‘communicating with a higher power’ or ‘clarifying to the universe’. In my book, ‘higher power’ is a mathematical term and I have no clue who ‘the universe’ is; for me, ‘setting our intentions’ means talking to Jesus, that’s His name.  It means speaking things as though they are, praying that God’s will overrides your desires, and waiting expectantly.

Speaking things as though they are - This requires a ‘heart check’ to make sure that our intentions and motives are pure. How do we do this? By ensuring that our hearts are full of God’s word. You’re able to speak truth over your life when you know what God says about you and can recall His promises. (Psalm 119:11) “Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” (NKJV)

Praying for God’s will - When our hearts are full of God’s word, we more readily welcome and accept His will for our lives and trust His plans. Why? Because we ask God for wisdom in order to understand His will. (James 1:5) “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (NKJV)

Waiting expectantly – The key to waiting is asking in faith with an understanding that ‘faith without works is dead’ and trusting that God is faithful and just. As a reminder from my While you wait blog post, “our behavior and disposition while waiting is just as much a part of the testimony as is the outcome”. (James 1:6) But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. (NKJV)

Speak over yourself, pray for God’s will, and wait expectantly.

During the brunch, Dr. Tilly also reminded us of a great quote/prayer from Benjamin Franklin:

"O powerful Goodness! Bountiful Father! Merciful Guide! Increase in me that wisdom which discovers my truest interest. Strengthen my resolutions to perform what that wisdom dictates"

A time to mourn.

Monday was my best friend Trevoya’s birthday. She passed away in 2008, shortly after giving birth to her only child, Tristan. It was my first time experiencing the loss of a close friend and it was rough. Each year since, as her birthday approached, I’ve made plans for how to spend the day in order to avoid breaking down. So, in true Sharnikya fashion, my Monday was jam packed and went something like this: leave the office at 3:30pm, first coaching session at 5pm, second coaching session at 6pm, gym at 7pm, board of directors call at 8pm (with plans to drop off early for my final coaching session for the evening), and then bed. Avoid-Breakdown-Plan was in full effect!

Well, my 6pm session was cancelled so there was a gap. I decided to change the sheets and that took all of five minutes, so I reorganized the top drawer of my nightstand. Yes, I was running from it, trying to keep busy, and saying to God, “Not today God, I don’t feel like being sad. Not today.” And then I was reminded of a verse from The Beatitudes, “Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) 

So, I mourned the death of my dear friend Trevoya. I cried and cried some more and I was comforted. I heard her laugh and remembered moments so vividly; like when she called me from North Carolina as she waited for the lines to come through on the pregnancy test (she took three of them). She was so nervous and excited. We were both whispering on the phone because her fiancé was in the next room. I don’t know why I was whispering, but she whispered so I followed suit.

I thought about our last birthday dinner together. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Greenville, NC and I made her put on the silliest sombrero as the servers sang Happy Birthday. She was embarrassed and I was dying laughing. I remembered the dip! The dip was so good! We had gone to the restaurant a few times before and always contemplated getting the dip but finally got it and it was gone in sixty seconds!

I remembered her birthday party at 2 Dogs Pizza in Ayden, NC. I believe she was turning nine. Anyway, she came in ready to party and when Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract came on you would have thought she was in the video!

I recalled how excited we both were when she received her first ‘blue box’ from Tiffany & Co. and when we finally decided on the name “Tristan” for the baby – we knew the name would be Tristan Star for a girl and Tristan ‘something’ for a boy. I also thought about the plans we had for traveling together, mainly Caribbean Islands but she wanted to go to Paris as well. We didn’t get to do a lot of the things we wanted to do together but she is in heaven, the ultimate destination and we will meet again. For now, I will remember her often and mourn when I need to so that I may be comforted.