36 years to life.

Last year I partnered with Empowerment Station to conduct a Vision and Purpose Coaching workshop for the DC Mayor’s office on Returning Citizen Affairs. I wrote about the experience here. I left that day knowing that I wanted to do more to help returning female citizens and for the past few months I’ve been in training, preparing to work with them further as a mentor. 

Over the past few weeks I’ve been preparing to meet my mentee, going over my reading materials, wondering if she would like me, and praying that God would use me to help her prepare for the transition. I’ve been a mentor and mentee for years and I know the value of ‘the connection’ so naturally, I thought about whether or not we would connect immediately.

Last night was the night! After months of training and preparation, I headed over to the half-way house to finally meet my mentee through a facilitated group session with other mentors and mentees meeting for the first time. I wasn’t nervous; more so excited and anxious.

Moments after arriving, I was briefly (just enough time to exchange names) introduced to my mentee by the facilitator and then we were given instructions for an icebreaker. Individually we were to draw stick figures and write words to represent our ideal mentor/mentee characteristics. Once completed, we were paired with our mentees to discuss the characteristics we highlighted in our drawing.

I got chills as I read what my mentee wrote and silently said to God “Ok, I see You.” Here’s what she wrote:

• Someone who will help me birth my purpose

• Someone hands-on

• Someone who will listen and is willing to learn with me

• Someone who is a true definition of a leader and won’t mind walking into my life and showing me the right path to live intentionally

As I shared that I am a purpose coach, her face lit up and she said, “This is not a coincidence.” We talked at length about her goals and aspirations, boundaries she set for herself, faith, and accountability. I love what she shared about boundaries:

“I was sentenced to 36 years to life and served 16 of those years. I’ve set boundaries for myself and the people around me because I don’t have a choice. My freedom is at stake. If I get here late I can be sent back, so if I have to be here at 6:30, I get here by 6:15 because if I start saying ‘it’s just 6:15, I have 15 minutes,’ I will get comfortable and I can’t grow when I’m comfortable.”

Wow! What if we all looked at it that way? Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Some of the greatest periods of growth occur when we are being stretched, when things just aren’t ‘comfortable.’ We may not be at risk of incarceration but there is always something at stake.

No boundaries on your time? Others eat it up, you spend it with the wrong people, you’re tired all the time, and you give God your leftovers, if anything at all.

No boundaries on your finances? You spend frivolously, don’t save, don’t tithe, and go berserk when an unplanned expense is incurred.

We have to be willing to set boundaries on our time, resources, capacity, etc. If we don’t, we run the risk of taking on things that simply aren’t meant for us which can feel like a life sentence of pleasing everyone else, chasing their dreams, taking on their burdens, and ignoring the work God is calling us to do.

"Stop lying. Ya’ll need to stop lying. Be real.”

On May 18th I received an email indicating that I had been nominated to attend the White House Summit on the United State of Women. I was in shock; I hadn’t even heard of such a summit, and had to read it three times before it clicked. The email also included a disclaimer advising that although I’d been nominated, those chosen would be notified the following week. I didn’t care about the disclaimer, I was just excited to be nominated! 

And then this happened…On May 25th around 10:40am an email popped up that read, “You're Invited: The White House Summit on the United State of Women - June 14th!” I screamed! I couldn’t believe it and read the email like fifty times this go around before it clicked.

On Tuesday, June 14th I had the pleasure of attending the White House Summit on the United State of Women. The summit convened 5,000 female change-makers from across the country. 5,000 boss women who are making a difference. 5,000 mothers, wives, sisters, friends, all of whom have decided to do something, to stand up for the forgotten, to make their voices heard, and to be a change agent! Needless to say I was inspired.

The day was broken up into three sessions, together covering six issue areas (pillars): Economic Empowerment, Health & Wellness, Educational Opportunity, Violence Against Women, Entrepreneurship & Innovation, and Leadership & Civic Engagement. In between the sessions, we attended the two Solution Seminars we chose when notified of our invitation to attend the summit. I chose the Cross-Cutting Solution Seminar - “From Surviving to Thriving: Tools to Empowering All Girls,” because I have a mentoring program for 7th and 8th grade girls and the Entrepreneurship Solution Seminar - “How to One up the Start Up: Successes in Growing Women-Owned Businesses,” because I wanted to learn more about enhancing my business.

The Solutions Seminars were led powerful women including-

Sana Amanat, Director of Content & Character Development, Marvel Entertainment

Beverly Bond, CEO, Black Girls Rock!

Julie Hanna, Executive Chair of the Board, Kiva

Lisa Price, Founder, Carol’s Daughter

Shonda Rhimes, Content Creator, ShondaLand

Gloria Steinem, Feminist Activist

Debbie Sterling, Founder & CEO, GoldieBlox

Melanie Whelan, CEO, SoulCycle

and many more.  

Violence Against Women

Meghan Yap, White House Champion of Change for the It’s On Us Campaign to end sexual assaults, who introduced Vice President Joe Biden, shared her story of being raped on campus and the post-traumatic stress disorder that followed. She reminded us of our super powers and urged us to join the fight against sexual assault and to support the survivors. Vice President Joe Biden, who has made it his mission to end violence against women, encouraged us to share our stories, hold our institutions accountable, and keep the effort alive by reminding young girls, college students, friends, etc. that it is not normal to be abused mentally or physically by a man and that it is not the woman’s fault.

Economic Empowerment

Patricia Arquette, actress and activist for equal pay, reminded us that while we observed Equal Pay Day on April 12 of this year, which is the day that represents the number of days a typical woman had to work in to 2016 to earn what a typical man made in 2015, the work is far from being done. Equal Pay Day for Black Women, Native American Women, and Latina Women isn’t until August 23rd, September 13, and November 1, respectively because they make 64 cents, 59 cents, and 54 cents respectively for every dollar paid to a typical man. “That is economic suppression.”

Laurie Fabiano, President, Tory Burch Foundation, encouraged us to go after the boards, apply for the business loans, beat down the doors, never take no for an answer, and to never accept “good enough.”

To lead the conversation on investing in women, Warren Buffett graced the stage and was joined by graduates of his Goldman Sachs 10,000 Women program. Mr. Buffet and the graduates encouraged us to network, collaborate, and mentor others. He left us with this: "Find your passion. Find the job you would hold even if you didn't need a job." 

“Find the job you would hold even if you didn’t need a job.”

— Warren Buffett

As if I weren’t already full…

President Obama was introduced by 11-year-old entrepreneur Mikaila Ulmer, who founded Me And The Bees Lemonade. She reminded us to “Be fearless, believe in the impossible, and dream like a kid.” As President Obama walked out (with THAT walk) the crowd erupted in cheers. He opened by saying “I may be a little grayer than I was eight years ago, but this is what a feminist looks like.” On a more serious note, he reminded us that there are a lot of women still stuck in the toughest of economic circumstances and that we have to change the way we see ourselves and the way we raise our daughters. A few of my favorite quotes from President Obama are below:

“We need to keep changing the attitude that raises our girls to be demure, that criticizes our girls for speaking out.”

“We need to keep changing the attitude that prioritizes being confident, competitive, and ambitious in the workplace, unless you’re a woman.”

“Our girls are confident and deliberate and in the words of Audrey Lord “afraid of nothing.” That’s the story we’re going to keep on telling, so our girls see that they, too, are America.””

— President Barack Obama

"Our country is not just all about the Benjamins—it’s about the Tubmans, too. We need all our young people to know that Clara Barton and Lucretia Mott and Sojourner Truth and Eleanor Roosevelt and Dorothy Height, those aren’t just for Women’s History Month. They’re the authors of our history, women who shaped their destiny."

To send me over…

We were all invited to a chat with First Lady Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey, where they spoke candidly about walking in your purpose, self-value, haters, life after the White House, and getting paid.

Of course, Mother Oprah came out yelling “We are here for the United State of Women!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Oprah’s first question to our First Lady was regarding the pressure of other people’s expectations. She responded by saying that “our first job in life as women is to get to know ourselves but instead we spend time pleasing, satisfying, looking out into the world to define who we are…” She went on to say that we have to take the time to get to know ourselves in order to ignore the “smack talking” from outsiders.

The second question Oprah asked our First Lady was about her own expectations on life as FLOTUS. She shared that her focus was on her girls and recognized that if she was going to protect them, she first had to protect herself and her time. “I knew going into this role that I didn’t want to waste any time spent away from my kids…If you do not take control over your time and life, other people will gobble it up. If you don’t prioritize yourself, you constantly start falling lower on your list.”

Oprah asked FLOTUS a question about value to which she responded, “If you’re going out into the world as a professional and don’t know who you are or what you want and don’t know what you’re worth, then you have to count on the kindness and goodness of others when you should be working to get it on your own, because you know your value.”

FLOTUS on the haters - “People won’t remember what other people say about you but they will remember what you do, so my strategy is to prove them wrong. That shuts up the haters and I’m defined by what I did and not what you called me. You don’t have to say anything to haters or acknowledge them at all.”

“You have to surround yourself with people who uplift you.”

One of my favorite comments from Oprah - “The best success comes when you can shift your paradigm to service.”

As it relates to balance, FLOTUS shared the story of how she took her daughter Sasha to an interview because she didn’t have a sitter. She knew she wanted the job, knew she could do the job, and wasn’t going to sell herself short by not interviewing. She got the job as the VP of Community Outreach for the University of Chicago hospital.

FLOTUS on balance - Oprah asked FLOTUS “Is balance a false notion for women?” to which she responded,

“I’m always irritated by the “you can have it all expectation. Because you beat yourself up and feeling less than because you aren’t having it all, it’s a ridiculous aspiration.” To those on Facebook pretending to have it all, here’s what FLOTUS had to say: “Stop lying. Ya’ll need to stop lying. Be real.”

— First Lady Michelle Obama

We also heard from Marley Dias, Founder, #1000BlackGirlBooks, Attorney General Loretta Lynch, Lilly Ledbetter, Equal Pay Champion, Nancy Pelosi, Minority Leader of the United States House of Representatives, Lakshmi Puri, Deputy Executive Director, UN Women, and Kerry Washington.

It was a powerful day, one that I will never forget and I am so grateful to my dear friend S. Amelia for the surprise nomination. 

"Who sent you?"

The team of Chefs and volunteers that turned Central Union Mission Men's Shelter into a restaurant on May 23, 2016

On Monday we turned Central Union Mission Men’s Shelter into a restaurant. Five Chefs, four courses, and Jesus was all in the mix! It’s always a blessing to serve; it’s extremely rewarding and each time I learn something new and experience God differently. Serving is truly a form of worship and when we allow ourselves to be free and just relish in that space, we get an opportunity to see how HE moves in the hearts of those serving, the appreciation of those being served, and the glory HE gets from our service.

Here's what I experienced on Monday:

The hearts of those serving -

• Early in the day Chef Rock Harper asked that I confirm the number of men to be served. I had originally quoted “just over a hundred” so naturally he wanted to know a more concrete number so that the Chefs could better prepare. Well somehow I totally missed the mark and we would in fact be serving 170 men. I felt like I completely dropped the ball and sent Chef Rock an email; his response? “It's cool though. We aren't Jesus but we have more than 5 loaves and a few fish, we'll make it work!”  What a heart! And I wasn’t surprised by his response; it was a ‘my heart is in the right place and this will work out’ response that comes naturally when you remove YOU and focus on serving God’s people; there’s an assurance that ‘all things will work together’ (Romans 8:28).

The gratitude expressed by those being served –

• The men of the Mission were so grateful. The smiles on their faces as each course was served made my heart melt. After each course, a Chef came out to describe the dish, explain the ingredients, and how it was prepared. As the Chef explained the dish, the men cheered and thanked them from their seats. It’s the little things that go a long way; the subtle ways that say 'you matter' and 'I care' are monumental when serving.

The Glory God gets from our service –

• After serving, one of my best friends called to say how much he enjoyed being there. He went on to say “Sis, I’m not the godliest but I know what God has done for me. I know I need Him.”
• One of my favorite moments was an exchange with one of the men I was blessed to serve Monday night. If I had to guess I’d say he was about sixty-five:
  • Him: “Aye, what church y’all belong to?”
  • Me: “We don’t all belong to the same church, we’re just here serving.”
  • Him: “Oh, what fraternity is it then?”
  • Me: “No fraternity and I’m not with a sorority either.” [I giggled]
  • Him: “Well, what’s the name of y’all’s group?”
  • Me: [laughing]”We don’t have a name, just friends serving together.”
  • Him: “Well who sent you then?”
  • Me: “Jesus”
  • Him: [smiling] “That’s alright with me.”

(Mark 10:45) “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (NKJV)