Satisfied, successful, or significant?

“You can live a satisfied life, a successful life, or a significant life.”

Many live a satisfied life where they are ‘okay’ with how things are moving and realize that things could be better, but have become accustomed to life as they know it. They’re married or single, may or may not have children, most of the bills are paid on time, their heads are above water for the most part, can treat themselves from time to time, may be educated, etc. If they didn’t attend or finish college, they wrestle with that; if they have a degree but not in their current field of work or in a field of interest, they’re dealing with that… And more likely than not, they feel like they’re behind the curve and something is always missing.

There are others who’ve achieved great levels of success, are able to take care of their needs as well as the needs of others financially, travel the world, and do all the other ‘things’ successful people do according to societies silly standards. Married or single, with or without children, they likely have multiple degrees or successful businesses, probably both. They’ve accumulated a lot of ‘things’ that must be maintained through their society defined ‘successes’.  But with each new home, high-end pair of shoes, latest model car, elaborate vacation, increased stock options, etc. they grow deeper into a funk, feeling unfilled, undervalued, and stuck. And again, something is always missing.

And then there are those who lead a life of significance. Satisfaction isn’t the goal in this case; it is fulfillment. And success takes on a whole new meaning because it’s measured by the impact made on others. The fulfillment that comes with a life of significance can never be achieved from mere success. The serotonin popping goodness comes from that feeling of influencing others in a way that has a lasting effect. Married or single, with or without children, educated or not, traveling the world, managing multiple stock portfolios – or not,  the significant life is very personal-meaning the significance isn’t defined by or tied to ‘things’ or others; it’s found internally and is realized by gifting your gifts (not to be confused with talents) to others.

The difficultly in this is recognizing gifts and unfortunately for many, this is a huge struggle. In September & October I held two group coaching sessions for women who are tired of feeling stuck. Women from various walks of life attended; some married (happily or otherwise), some were single (happily or otherwise), a few were mothers, and while there were different levels of success and satisfaction, they were all there, however, because something was missing. Satisfaction and success weren’t cutting it and they all wanted more from life, they wanted a life of significance.

As I mentioned, significance is closely tied to our gifts and how we use them to bless others. The women in both sessions struggled to identify their gifts, not because they didn’t have any; that wasn’t the case at all. It was because they were doing what many of us are guilty of—which is taking our gifts for granted. This happens when you realize that you do something well but because it comes so naturally to you, you refuse to consider it a gift or you deny it because you’re comparing your gift to others. As such, you neglect to account for the way God speaks to you while operating in this gift or the way others are impacted as benefactors of your gift. I am by no means saying that everything we do well is a gift. But your gift, your calling, your purpose is what you were made for and what I am saying is that we miss the opportunity to live a life of significance when we don’t recognize our gifts, call them as they are, and use them to positively impact others in Jesus’ name.

The other issue for some of us is that we value success over significance. Longing for things or people to fulfill us and insisting that our God-given gifts won’t be fruitful. I beg to differ, mainly because the bible told me so… “A gift opens doors for the one who gives it and brings him into the presence of great people.” (Proverbs 18:16)

Until we accept our gifts and operate in them, we will never be fulfilled, something will always be missing. The accumulation of things will only provide momentary gratification so a change is required, a paradigm shift if you will, as our motivation should be to seek and operate in our gifts not for financial gains and the accumulation of things (people included) but so that God gets the glory from our life of significance!

“As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.” (1 Peter 4:10)

HeArt & Sole - "The E! True Hollywood Story" ...kinda. :)

In April of this year, Mr. Treadwell, the Executive Director of Central Union Mission, sent an email seeking volunteer help with planning a series of fundraising events. I saw the email and responded immediately. I showed up for the first meeting on May 7th ready to serve! Min. Chambers, the Sr. Director of Strategic Partnerships and Community Engagement for Central Union Mission had about 4 or 5 ideas for the remainder of the year, one of which was called a “chef event”. I knew I wanted to be a part of the ‘chef event’, so when we broke off into teams to start planning I made my way over to that section.

I’m just happy to be here…

Our ‘chef event’ team of five clicked immediately. We selected a leader (not me), assigned a few tasks, and I felt good about the direction we were heading in… I was eager to just help out and be a part of the team! I’m a natural leader but I appreciate being led as well so I was ready to knock out my tasks as a team member.  

“Really God, you know I’m not an event planner, right?”

Shortly after our second meeting, our leader sent an email informing us that she would be stepping down due to competing priorities. And I thought to myself “Really God, you know I’m not an event planner, right?” Assured, that He paid me no mind, I called for backup, sending emails to my personal ‘dream team’ explaining the situation and letting them know that I needed their assistance. They showed up for the next meeting, we opened in prayer, everyone got acquainted and we were back on track. Well kinda, we needed a Chef to Champion the event. I had someone in mind but I knew he was extremely busy. So I tried to think of other people, as did the rest of the team, and we made quite a few calls but ultimately I kept going back to the one person I knew would get the concept, rally the other chefs, and help drive the vision. Chef Rock Harper!

Tip toeing…

I reached out to Chef Rock but chickened out on asking him to champion the event because I knew he had so much on his plate. Instead, I asked for advice on how to plan the event. He connected me with a good friend of his that happens to plan the most notorious fundraiser/chef event in DC each year! She gave me tons of advice and contacts to get the ball rolling! It was literally everything I needed and she continued to support me as much as she could along the way.

Find the red shoes!

In July I was invited to attend DC Central Kitchen’s (DCCK) 100th Culinary Job Training Class Graduation. As a longstanding volunteer of DCCK it was so inspiring to see the chefs walk across the stage! After the graduation, I got word that Chef Nora Poullion was walking around the reception greeting people and she was wearing red shoes; so my friend I and I split up in hopes of finding Chef Nora and the red shoes. My friends can attest to the fact that this is not odd behavior for me at all!

Seize the moment

On my quest to find Chef Nora and the red shoes, I see Chef Rock walking toward me. I took my shot! As I mentioned, I knew he had a lot going on but I had a response ready for every question. And Chef Rock asks a lot of questions, so you have to be ready. I explained what we were trying to do, why I thought he would be best, what we would need from him, and after about 15-minutes, he was in!!!

Stop calling it the ‘chef event’

In our first meeting with Chef Rock, he asked “So what’s the name of the event? It’s time to stop calling it the ‘chef event’?”  We started playing with names and came up with Heart and Soul but that seemed boring and repetitive. We played with the letters for a few minutes on paper and came up with HeArt & Sole. He- Is for Jesus, Art- Represents the Art work to be displayed by the men of Central Union Mission, and Sole – A play on words, Sole/Soul as the chefs would create dishes inspired by their favorite ‘sole’ while cooking from the ‘soul’.

Ask and you shall receive

Chef Rock immediately went to work and pulled in 18 chefs in about two weeks. It was amazing! One by one, they kept rolling in, eager to support! As a team, we reached out to our networks to solidify celebrity guest to serve as the ‘sous chefs’ and to garner support for the silent auction. Everyone we reached out to loved the concept even if they couldn’t attend and almost everyone we asked to donate to our auction said yes.  

Keep calm, it’s working for your good.

Things were running really smoothly but some of our celebrity chefs/sous chefs started to get pulled. However, each time it happened, God showed up. Seriously, every time someone pulled out, within a day we had someone else. For example, one of our football players had to pull out, and we got Chef Daniel Thomas whom we’d hoped for but didn’t think in a million years we could get. And then one of the Food Network Chefs pulled out but within a few of hours we had Chef Huda, another Chef we had hoped for in the beginning. And literally, the day before, our basketball player pulled out because he had to travel but while attending a conference that same day, I met a football player and asked him to attend. He wasn’t sure if he could make it but I gave him all the details and prayed for the best.

Tonight is the night!  Tuesday, October 27, 2015

2:30pm - As I drove to the venue I most certainly prayed for a successful event but I also prayed that God would get the glory from it all.

3pm - When I walked into the venue, the set-up was impeccable. The leads for décor, catering, set-up, etc., Deb B. and Tamika,  had done an outstanding job and nothing major needed to be changed. It was perfect.

4pm – The volunteers started arriving and they were so excited and ready to serve. No complaints about assignments, just ready to serve and I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people!

4:30pm- As the chefs started to arrive to set up their stations, Dawn ushered them through the process and made sure that they were unaware of a few minor hiccups- we couldn’t find the items for the mystery baskets at first, Les had to run down stairs to buy the protein, and Tamika had to do a mad dash to the store for gift bags. But all of this was taken care of seamlessly and no one outside of the team was aware. Thank goodness!

5:30pm- The team and volunteers were working hard, everyone on their post, focused on their tasks, so I wasn’t at all worried about things slipping through the cracks- Ayanna, Danielle, Jenn, Shannel, Monica, and Richard were literally running around taking care of things as they came up; Tiyasha, Jide, and Dawn were ready to greet guests;  Star, Camille and Emma were providing support to the chefs, servers, etc.; Daughan was ensuring that Chef Thomas had everything needed; Phyllis was right by my side to make sure I didn’t lose my mind; Stephanie and Leslie were handling VIP logistics; Rochelle, Karen, and Ashley tackled registration, and Min. Chambers/Deb B./Tamika were Queens of all things.

5:45pm- The VIP guests were starting to arrive. My heart was beating a mile a minute as I walked around making sure that everything was in place. Ugh and I couldn’t find my production timeline.  I knew I sat it some place but couldn’t remember where. Just as I started to get a little annoyed with myself, Shannel walked over with it and all was right in the world– she actually had to do this a few times!

6:10pm – My heart was still beating, I was wondering if we forgot something, the VIP Chopped Demo was about to start but we’re short a sous chef because one of our football players is running a little late and now Jamie Foster Brown wants to be a judge instead of a sous chef, gotta love Jamie. Before I could panic, in walks the football player I met at the conference the day before, yep, the one I mentioned above. He walks in, ready to serve! We get him paired with one of the celebrity chefs and it’s on and popping!

From that point on, every time I got a little anxious, wondering if things were going well, I received the confirmation needed. At 6:46, I looked at my phone to check the time and had a text from my friend Arnita saying “Event’s not even over and it is absolutely awesome!!!!!  YOU ROCK!!!” About an hour after that my mom says “Good job!” as she stuffs her face. Min. Chambers was pleased, Mr. Treadwell was smiling. Lillian and Will were knocking out the interviews and Chef Huda, pulled me to the side and said “this is a great event, stop saying you’re not an event planner”. I was able to breathe and I saw that the guests were truly enjoying themselves. People were laughing, talking, eating, bidding on items and my serotonin was popping! Yep, serotonin popping goodness! :)

I am whatever you say I am-

I thought more about what Chef Huda said as I got home… You never know what God will call you to be but whatever HE says you are, even if seasonal or in the moment, that is what you are. And we have to be obedient in that moment, truly in every moment so that we can be used for His Glory. So I’ll accept whatever HE calls me to be.

HeArt & Sole

Tons of additional photos here

Tutus, tatas, trailer parks, Kool-Aid in styrofoam Cups, and an understanding of her “why”.

A few years ago as I contemplated my next steps from a career perspective, I knew that while I wanted to remain close to software development and project management, I also wanted the next part of my journey to include serving in a role that drives corporate philanthropy. So I wrote out my complete job description and prayed about it. SN: I write out everything, goals, dreams, etc. (“Write the vision.” I’ll likely share more on this and how it has helped throughout my life in a separate post soon.)

Today, I serve in that dual-role I prayed for that keeps me close to software development and project management while leading the corporate philanthropy charge for my company. In this capacity, I get to further pursue part of my purpose by creating an environment of service and outreach where employees can give back in meaningful ways that align to the core values of the company.

This month’s corporate outreach initiative was the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 5k Walk. As a team, we headed to the National Mall to join other teams covered in pink, wearing tutus, and fighting for a cure!

It was an awesome outpouring of support. I started off walking with one colleague—about 25 years my senior—but I couldn’t keep up with her speed walk, so I let her go on ahead and "be great"! I found my stride and ended up next to another colleague, whom I’ve known of for about a year as we’ve interacted at other outreach events but I had never really had a chance to speak with her at length.

As we walked the three miles, we started talking about our childhood and I was shocked to find that much of our experience was quite similar. I can’t say I had assumed anything about her upbringing because I never thought about it. I knew she was very nice, professional, and always extremely excited about opportunities to serve. How she grew up never crossed my mind. However, if anyone had asked me to think about it, what she shared isn’t what I would have guessed in a million years.

We both grew up in poor neighborhoods, were heavily influenced by our grandmothers, and have almost identical pivotal moments that forever changed the course of our lives. And she too, remembers the lady in the neighborhood that would freeze Kool-Aid in styrofoam cups and when we were hot we would knock on her back door hoping she hadn’t run out already! Like me, she grew up surrounded by love but not in Ayden, in the projects on Belvedere Ct; for her it was in Richmond, on the Southside, in a trailer park to be exact.

On Sunday, I was able to see her in a whole new light. We’ve held quite a few service initiatives and she always shows up, ready and eager to serve. She’s one of the people that sticks around until the end of the sandwich drives to help take the sandwiches to the shelter. I just thought she was nice and liked to help. I learned on Sunday that she’s not just nice. She’s a Christian woman with a heart to serve. She’s excited about the sandwich drives because she recalls relying on a helping hand for a meal. She’s ready and willing to donate to the backpack drives because she remembers the assistance her mom received each year for school supplies, clothing, etc. I now understand her “why” and I have a new found understanding and appreciation for her.

And if you’ve ever been to a breast cancer walk you know that the party continues afterwards, so as the line dance songs started to play, I grabbed my snack and joined her for the electric slide and cupid shuffle as she ‘walked it out’!

Mrs. "Walk it Out" signing the Wall of Hope.