For such a time as this…
After chatting with a friend earlier this week about Queen Esther I was inclined to spend time revisiting the book of Esther last night and I’m so glad I did! Queen Esther was such an amazing woman, she had brains and beauty but more importantly the heart of a woman who wanted to please God.
As a Jewish woman and the Queen of Persia, she was in a difficult situation having learned that her people would be killed. On top of that, her cousin/father figure Mordecai laid it on super thick implying that her destiny was to save them. Check out Esther 4:13-14 where Mordecai basically says to Queen Esther, “Oh, you can’t just sit back and watch all that’s going on and think that you’ll be saved. Whether you speak up or not, God’s will is going to be done. Could this be your calling? Who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Wow! Can you imagine the thoughts that must have gone through her mind when Mordecai suggested that she save her people by going to the king, which was forbidden? I’m referring to those initial thoughts before we respond. I mean, even as a woman of God, I can certainly attest to those initial thoughts that aren’t always ‘Yes, God – Your will and not mine.’ I don’t know Queen Esther’s initial thoughts but her response in Esther 4:16 served as a reminder of the protocol: “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king.”
As much as Queen Esther loved and respected Mordecai, she knew that before taking on such a task she needed to spend time with God and requested that those close to her do the same.
We have to be willing to do just what Esther did when faced with such a call on our lives which is to seek God by spending time with him and asking others to fast and pray with us as we await further guidance.
We’re approaching the end of the first quarter of the year. Where do you stand? Before you answer that, stop and think about all that you’ve accomplished. I know, you’d rather think about what you said you would do and didn’t or all that lies ahead but please resist. No accomplishment is too small. Where did you make progress? What steps did you take to accomplish your goals? How much more time have you made for family? Where did you use your gifts to serve? What obstacles did you overcome? Have you matured in an area of your life? Did you make better decisions regarding your finances? And more importantly where did God show up? Think about it. Instead of lamenting over the work that still needs to be done, take a few moments to ‘Celebrate Your Wins’ if I may quote my sisters over at DIVAS, MPH.
Far too often we neglect the opportunity to be grateful for the little things and in most cases, it’s the small wins that propel us in the future. The smallest changes typically have the most lasting impact and drastically affect our families, networks, and perspectives. We want more and I get it but let’s recall Jonah’s ungrateful tendencies and where it got him. Instead of Jonah being grateful for God’s message, he was frustrated because he had his own plan and thoughts on how things should have progressed. God showed mercy over and over again as well as discipline/correction. Let’s not end up tossed in the sea or out in the beating sun because we’ve neglected to simply be grateful. (Jonah 4:5-11)
So today, take a few moments to celebrate. Be grateful for what God has shown you and the leaps you’ve made in the first quarter. Then, get back to work! Reassess the goals you’ve set, check your motives, and if you need a boost, check out Reset!
This week on blis.fm’s The Connect we discussed Domestic Violence with Tokeitha Wilson of Empowerment Station and Leslie Michelle of Singles Living with Purpose (SLWP). Both women are survivors of domestic violence. I was aware of Tokeitha’s story – I interviewed her a few months ago as my Purpose Driven Woman and she recounts much of her experience in her book Too Precious To Be. Leslie was on the show as part of our “Be the Change” segment where we highlight someone doing great things in the community; her story/testimony about domestic violence was a surprise.
While sharing some of their horrific accounts of domestic violence, Tokeitha noted that the first time she was hit by her abuser, she urinated on herself; Leslie told us about the time she tried to jump out of a window to escape her abuser. I wish I could say that this was the first time I had heard stories like these but unfortunately that’s not the case. I’ll never forget the night a loved one’s boyfriend raped her or when my friend tried to convince me that she fell into the dresser.
I remember sitting in a restaurant with friends a few years ago, laughing and catching up as we waited for another friend to arrive. After about 30mins of waiting, I stepped away to call her. She didn’t answer but called back shortly after -
Me: Hey, where are you?
Her: [sobbing] I’m not coming.
Me: What’s going on, what’s wrong?
Her: He punched me in my face.
Me: Ok, I’m on the way.
Her: No, I’ll be okay. He left. Stay with the girls, I don’t want them in my business.
I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like to be concerned that your friend or loved one’s life is in danger; wondering if they are okay, praying that the last time you spoke to them doesn’t truly become the last time. I have “stopped the world”, calling everyone but the National Guard, looking for a friend when she didn’t answer her phone, fearful that her abuser had taken her life.
As a concerned friend, I wanted Tokeitha and Leslie’s advice on how to continue to support those you love when it’s disheartening. Both agreed that for those of us on the sidelines, all we can do is pray, continue to be supportive, and wait for our mentally/physically abused friend to get tired. Tokietha explained that the abuser has likely isolated the victim from most, if not all, of their family/friends and is controlling all of the finances so knowing that they still have a friend they can count on is important. It’s not an easy pill to swallow but they’re right, we have to wait, continue to be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, be willing to ‘stop the world’, and open our homes as needed until they’ve decided enough is enough.
Wondering if your friend or loved one is in an abusive situation? Here are a few things I’ve noticed while supporting those I love:
Outside of weight fluctuation, hair loss, and overcompensation on social media. The abuser's name all of a sudden becomes ‘he’ and outside of your friend trying to convince you that ‘he’ has changed, everything else is now a secret. When they call you they’re always whispering and they typically call with questions they know the answer to that start with “Ok, tell me if I’m wrong”, “Am I going crazy because…” or “Does this make since to you?” They know the answers to these no brainer questions but ask because they now second guess themselves, try to rationalize things that are clearly wrong or make absolutely no sense, and make excuses for their abuser.
If you are reading this, and you’re in a domestically violent situation, you have to get out. Don’t make any more excuses for the person harming you. You are more than enough. Your life matters. You are worthy of more and God has it for you. Worried about whether they will come after you? As Tokeitha Wilson put it, "you’re fighting for your life anyway if you stay in that situation." Take the first step, call 1800-799-7233 to be connected to individuals that can fight with you.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”